Free Magic | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #631

Free Magic | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #631 - YouTube

Transcripts:

Good day. Good we call holiday Christmas. Merry Christmas to everyone who is um alive. I guess a good start, you know, cuz Yeah. And ghosts, I guess. If there's some ghost um ghosts, I guess. Do they celebrate things like that? I guess they do. I I Yeah. I wonder if it's fun celebrating something if you're a ghost or not.

 Like I wonder if you have a lot of friends if you're a ghost. Cuz a lot of times people see one ghost. They'll be like, "Oh, we caught, you know, somebody saw this ghost or whatever. He was hiding behind a tree or something. He was just being scared, you know, you know, like just doing vowels or whatever.

" Just, you know, but they never like, "Oh yeah, we saw some some ghosts. some dope ass ghosts um that were just [ __ ] balling that were hooping or something. Uh or just like Yeah, we saw some ghosts. They were uh vaping and you know laughing together and maybe splitting a brownie or something or just doing like something fun. I Yeah, I don't know.

 I never really thought about that. What are Yeah. So, I don't Yeah. Anyway, doesn't matter. All that matters is um is the spirit. The spirit of Christmas. That's what's going on right now. It's that time you hear the music. That's what gets me into it. You know, they say it's Christmas and they say it's Christmas now.

 Uh a lot of the a lot of the radio channels now it's like very Latino, you know. It's like um they said the newborn king and then you'll have one they said the newborn king that's what's up bro last night we let the liquor talk but yeah I love the Christmas mo the Christmas the energy that's what I got to embrace you you know see somebody and you just just give them a little hug or if they don't like you to hug them I'll do this sometimes I still take two hands tap them on the shoulder like that give him that little penguin hug that

little that little perverted butterfly hug justap Some people don't like a damn hug some people don't like a hug and sometimes I don't sometimes I'm a cactus Don't touch me. But sometimes I just want to I just I just want a hug. I won't ask for a hug though. That's who I am. I ain't no hoe. You feel me? Ho ho ho. Sorry.

 I know Santa gets offended if you say I ain't no hoe cuz that's his thing. But uh yeah, you know, I won't ask for a hug. I'll stand by you and look like I need a hug or do some [ __ ] or just do some [ __ ] like this, you know? What's up? But I won't be the one to ask for a hug. But I'll need a hug, but I won't ask for a hug.

 Now, I'll stand by you like, you know, I'll loiter. I'll loiter right around your arms and chest, but I won't ask for that hug. but I need it, but I won't ask for it. So, that's kind of who I am. Let's listen to a little music to get us in the spirit and then we're just going to get into some calls from you guys. Um, and thank you so much.

 Uh, thank you so much for uh just letting us be together right now. That's really nice. Here we go. Right here, this is uh some sounds we like to check out every year. And this is Christmas Miracle by One Man Quartet. [music] That's nice. What's happening? H M. This is [music] like nighttime kind of. There's a candle maybe. This is Santa. We're waiting for Santa.

Everything's out and the kids are [music] asleep. This is kind of just the the ambiance that's in the energy downstairs. If you sneak downstairs and look at the tree, that [music] was the most fun. That was the most fun. As a kid would sneaking down there and look, you'd be like, "Oh, is he here yet?" And you knew he wasn't there.

 It was just like 10:30 at night, the Christmas Eve. And you'd go down there and you all my siblings would all like we had to come down the stairs and then go like around the edge of the wall and then you could kind of see the living room and stuff. There was still like the like a little dinner table, but then you had then you could see the uh the living room and And [clears throat] yeah, that was it was just like his ear.

 Did he come? And we would all kind of like bottleneck at the bottom of the stairs in our pajamas and [ __ ] And we would like we would be like, "Do no, you're not going. You're not going." And our sisters, they were little. So they're like, "Fuck." You know, they didn't have any rights or whatever at the time because they were women also.

 And um and so we had to you're like, "You're not going. We'll tell you what we see." You know, and they're like, "Tell tell us what you see." And then we'd sneak around and then and then once we got around my brother was older than me, so then he took jurisdiction, you know, but he also had bad eyesight. He was born, I think he didn't have his levels in his eyes were off.

 He had, you know, he didn't have enough water in his eyes or something. So he'd have to [ __ ] you know, he'd have to splash water in his [ __ ] eyes every 40 minutes so he could even get a gander at anything. [ __ ] I remember at his birthday, he'd miss the candles if hedidn't rub a little bit of water in his eyes just to kind of, you know, sometimes if you if you heat up some um if you heat up some uh leftovers, you like I'll drile water on them.

 That's how that's me. I'll crack open a leftover if it's in a container. I'll pour, you know, about a 11th of a cup of water on that. Whatever. I don't care what it is. Lasagna, piece of bread, whatever. emphasiz whatever's going on, you know, hint of hint of spice, hint of tomato, I will pour some I'll just drip that [ __ ] out and then put it in the micro and bam.

 But that was like my brother. If he if he didn't, you know, if mom didn't spray a little bit of water in his eyes right before he blew out the candles on his birthday cake, he'd miss that [ __ ] He'd just be spraying a He'd spray just just be spraying a cold right out into the distance. miss a whole cake. Um but anyway, so at that point, you know, we my brother would be like and once it once we turned the corner of the stairs, it was me and him.

 So my sisters were like at the back and and they didn't know [ __ ] and they only knew what we told him and we lied to them because we were family. And so we would go and have to get closer to the tree and sneak up and my mom's bedroom was right off of the living room. Um, and so we had to be quiet and the carpet was kind of wet cuz our apartment was sinking a little bit like by the kitchen area.

 And so you [ __ ] bro your knees would start getting all wet, you know, but it helped my brother cuz he could just put his hands into the carpet and then rub them into his eyes and activate those [ __ ] So we would get closer and be like, "Is he here? Is he here?" And then we would just see we would see the tree and the lights and it would just kind of look like it had during the daytime a little bit like definitely more mysterious and nighttimey and the stockings and it was all just kind of magical.

It was [music] just like a thing of like possibility, you know, what were we going to get? What was going to happen tomorrow? Everything was going to be [music] great. something new was coming, you know. It was just Yeah, there was just I don't know. There was some just something just so magical about that scenario.

And I remember we had the colored lights on the Christmas tree and I didn't really like them. They looked a little cheesy, I thought, sometimes, but at this time [music] at night, it just looked kind of nice [clears throat] and the stockings [music] just hanging there and he like we'd have to just upold, go back, go back.

 My brother would be like, "Go back, you little" or whatever. And I'm like, "What?" [music] And uh and we get back to the stairs and my sisters would be like, "What do you see?" And be like, "Fuck you. You don't know shit." Cuz yeah, we that's kind of family we were. And uh but yeah, there was just something beautiful about it.

 But no, we'd be like, "He's not here." Or sometimes we would do this. Yes, all the gifts are out there. He already came, but you guys have to go to bed. We would kind of take this superior role with a lie. We'd be like, "He already came, but you guys have to go to bed." Or maybe he's not coming. I don't know. We're one of y'all bad this year.

 What have you guys been doing? Who's been showing their tits or whatever out on the street right by the highway? Cuz we did live by a highway right next to that [ __ ] Like if your hair was wet in the morning, you could put it right outside if there like right hang it out the window at the apartment. And in the morning, you know, that was high traffic time.

 And if enough semis went by, just the wind would whip up and just dry your [ __ ] right into a beautiful look. God, you'd look good. And people were like, "What do you have in your hair? You like [ __ ] 18speed, you know? I got Damn, I got a damn Mac. I got uh Oh, just new winds off a Mac truck." So, but that was fun, man. That was a good time.

 And that that music reminds me of that a little bit. God, those memories were nice. You know, memories are so nice because it can really take you into a place. Um, oh, this is another this is another song. This is hip hop ready for Christmas. Let's listen to a little bit of this. Okay. type [ __ ] [music] Christmas. [singing] Okay.

 This one Christmas is going to get a little bit black. You know what I'm saying? Santa pulling up. Hey, this the kind of look like say if you're a white guy and you see it, you're in high school [music] and you see your sister talking to uh flirting with a black guy and you're okay with it. This is the kind of music that backs that up. Like, all right.

Okay. Go ahead, Allison. She doing her [ __ ] So that's that kind of that's a Christmas beat right there. I feel like that kind of fits, you know? Yeah. If you see your sister flirting with black guys at school and you were okay with it, that's that heartbeat right there. That black heartbeat, [music] dude.

 You ever heard a black heartbeat? That [ __ ]It's different, bro. Go put your ear up to a black guy's chest, dude. which I know sounds very dangerous, right? Overall, it's Yeah, black, they're not going to welcome that. They're not They're not going to do it. You know, a lot of them turn turn into that guy. Who's that guy on uh that place for Golden State or whatever that always beat people and the media acted like it was okay all the time? He would just punch white dudes >> Draymond.

>> Yes. Yes. That dude, that Yeah. which [ __ ] seemed hella racial to me. But um but yeah, that dude that was always I think he did hit a mixed guy also. But um yeah, so I'm just saying some guys you could put your ear up to their chest, they'll be they might be okay with it. Some guys might get Draymond on you.

 Uh but I think a black heartbeat is different. That [ __ ] got drums. It got probably some 808 trap beat. Like if you ever go to a doctor's office and he puts the stethoscope and he puts it up to a black guy's heart, he'll listen sometimes for 20 minutes. There's different tracks. There's [ __ ] You'll have somebody feature on somebody's heartbeat.

You're like, "Holy [ __ ] this heartbeat has it there's a you know, there's Lil Dirks on it." You know, this is there's Young Boy and Bailey Zimmerman. Like, what's going on? So, uh, like, damn. Holy [ __ ] What are you You got some big X the plug in you. So there's that that happens where oh the white heartbeat is just like but that black heartbeat that shit's got it's got symbols.

 It's got um it's just got different you know it's got different level. They got a horn section. That shit's trapping, bro. So that's what I'm saying, bro. But this [ __ ] has a little bit of that Black Heartbeat vibe right here. You see you say Yui. So there we go. A little bit more Christmas music right there. Getting into it. Uh we did have some calls that came in.

Uh the hotline is always 9856649503. Uh and we had talked about some things in the last episode. We' spoken about, you know, people doing different challenges. There was Movember where you grow out a a mustache for uh epilepsy or whatever. I can't remember. Um or there was six [ __ ] uh June or whatever. What was it? 16 [ __ ] June.

>> Yeah, >> 16 [ __ ] June where people were only doing 16 um deficitates in June for um to support seizures or whatever. I'm not even sure what it was. I think it was seizures. Let me see. Let me look that up. Six 16. Sorry. 16 [ __ ] June four seizures. Yeah. Yeah. For seizures. So you had that, you had no nut November, you had 40 fart March, you had all these different things that people are trying to do to support to raise causes, you know, like remember a couple years ago they were dumping ice on uh on people

with Down syndrome or whatever to help them out. Uh but yeah, anyway, we had some calls in with people saying, "Well, what were the what were similar things like that that they'd had in their town? Is there another one that you remember, Trevan?" >> Um I think it was actually 11 [ __ ] June to get specific.

 So less than >> Anyways, um you talking about a call that came in that I remembered. >> No. Was there any other ones that you remembered that people do annually? >> Oh yeah. Um 2000 September. >> Oh yes. people only taking a certain amount of steps in a certain month. Oh, sober October. That's another one. That's a big one.

 So, there's these things that start to happen. Um, and then people called in with a few of their own. So, let's hit them right here. Here we go. >> Hey, Theo. This is Sunny from Phoenix, Arizona. And I just wanted to tell you that every >> Sunny, it's sunny in Phoenix. Come on. G. Oh, yall. Sorry, [snorts] but that's a sound I would make if I were a cat.

 I'd be like, and then every now and then I'd be like, you're a or whatever. Anyway, let's hear more, brother. Thank you for calling. >> Every year here in Phoenix, we do a little thing called no burr October is where you don't actually get cold all October long. >> Okay. >> And you know, it's actually not something that anyone is trying to do.

was just circumstantially so hot here in Phoenix that no one ever gets cold the entire month of October. You have to wear like no shirt on Halloween. You got to wear a [ __ ] costume on Halloween just to survive. >> I don't know. It sound like you're just trying to meet guys or whatever out there. But whatever, dude.

 I agree with you. It's a very sunburned area. You know, I lived out there in Tucson for a little while. You'll get sunburned just looking at, you know, you go outside and you're sunburned. You don't know what to do. Dude, I would go get the mail and I wouldn't know how to get back home. I would be dehydrated.

 I would have to, you know, I'd have to have somebody from the cartel help me get back to my yard, get have hire a coyote to get me to. So, yeah, it's alarmingly hot out there. Um, but you know, it that's the crazy thing. Sometimes people are like, "Man,it's I can't believe it's it's so hot today.

" Like, no [ __ ] It was It was hot yesterday. It was hot 700 days ago. It was hot 58 days ago. So, you just don't know patterns. That's the problem. You don't know how patterns work, dude. The deer, the reindeers are coming. Dude, the first time you had a Mexican dude like singing um like Christmas carols that f like early Mexican dudes that came to America, they didn't [ __ ] know the words to them [ __ ] homie.

 They did not know the words to the Christmas carols, you know? They like I'm dreaming of a Christmas more whites and others, you know, like be changing the lyrics to try to diversify the portfolio a bit and I respect it, but that, you know, it's just kind of wild, you know, they be like, um, You don't. Hey. Hey, baby.

 They would just [ __ ] kind of Hey, what's up? Huh? Let me see that skirt, mommy. You're like, what the [ __ ] Anyway, let's hear uh another one that came in. Yeah, no burr. It's no burr out there. It ain't cold at all. Let's see what we got here. Another one came on. >> What up, Theo? Jason here. >> Good day, Jason.

 And happy uh merry Christmas to you, brother. Onward. >> Uh so you asked on episode 629 to give some recommendations for things like no no nut November and such. I one of the coolest ones that I started doing about 5 years ago was every day of May challenge. So for every day of May, I do a certain amount of push-ups.

 It started off with every day of May, I'm going to do a 100 push-ups. Uh, two years ago, my every day of May challenge was every day of May, I'll do 500 push-ups a day. >> 500 push-ups, man. You're going to be up then. You're going to be as up all the way up. What? That's amazing. Onward. >> Every day of May, I'll do 500 push-ups a day. Every day of May.

 I think it's a really good thing to push on to people. I think it's it's a great way to kick off. It's like the middle of the year. We've kind of all pissed off with our, you know, we stopped doing our yearly uh what do they call? New Year's resolution New Year's. >> Yeah. You don't even know what it's called, dude.

 So, obviously, you're not getting it done. And that's fine. Sorry. Go up one more. >> Uh resolutions where you, you know, I'm going to work out this year. Everyone's kind of stopped already, but let you know about that one since you did not call it out. Wanted to let you know that love you Theo. All of us fans love you. You're the best.

>> Thank you, brother. I appreciate the nice words, man. Every day in May. That's a nice one because it kind of takes on a challenge, you know? Like once there was this thing that was going around a while back, it was like 76 hard or something and it was like you had to meet somebody that was born in 1976 and show them your [ __ ] You feel me? Uh anyway, [laughter] yeah, but that Yeah, some that's what you would hear.

 Like that's an old trucker joke. But uh but yeah, I like that every day in May cuz that you're saying, "Hey, I'm going to do something here cuz people have New Year's resolutions and them [ __ ] are horrible." You know, my buddies was like, "Yeah." He's like, "I'm not going to stalk my ex and I'm going to learn a new language." I'm like, "Well, that's good. It's a lot.

" You know, it just could be a lot. So anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about. Who cares? It's the end of the year, dude. I'm I used up all my good words throughout the year. I'm at the bottom of the bag, dude. I'm just down here shaking vowels around, you know? You know what stopped me from investing in the past was uh just that I I I didn't know I didn't know the value of putting away a little bit at a time.

 I didn't know that it builds on itself, that it can create more, which can create more. I didn't know that time was really my greatest asset. I felt like I just didn't have enough money at the time. Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. It's easy.

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 It's time to say goodbye to pay-per-view and hello to Paramount Plus. Stream every fight live with one subscription. Visit paramountplus.comfc to get started. That's paramountplus.comfc. That's a good one. Every day in May. Here we go. We got another one that came in. >> Hey co, this is Charlie uh from Cincinnati. >> Charlie from Cincinnati.

 [clears throat] Shout out Charlie. Boy. Hey, I just wanted to call in and comment on the uh you know, you talking about 2000 September, we got uh oh, what do you say 11 [ __ ] June? >> It's 16, but yes, onward. >> You know, my me and my family um a lot of times around the holidays, what we'll do, you know, we'll do a uh and maybe not me personally, but I I know uh a lot of the a lot of the ladies in my family, they like to do a a 40 Queef Quanza, >> if you know what 40 Queef Quanza. Wow.

[snorts] Yeah. I um yeah I I I didn't even know it, you know. Gazun tight. Uh yeah, let me get you let me get your family a box of Kleenex, brother. Let's hear more, brother. >> If you know what I'm saying, uh let me know if uh if you know anybody in uh in your life that that likes to do a 40 piece Quanza. >> Let me let you know. I don't know.

 You told us about it, so I don't even know about it. That's new to me. Um but that's a great one. That is a great one, man. And that's tough, I think, to to I don't know how you exactly arrange that because I don't know if that's a seasonal thing. I don't know if that's definitely like something that happens more in the spring to women because of uh pollen, if that's a bigger if that brings it on or whatever.

 Um, [sighs] all right, let's get another couple of calls here that came in. All right, Dio. Um, I've been uh I've been watching you for a while and I really like uh I really it really helps uh with the situations people go through hearing them out and uh it just makes everything easier. Right now I'm going through a situation I didn't ever think I would be the one to be calling you, but it just things end up how they are.

 I just need some advice right now and I don't know what to do. um my girlfriend. Um I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years and >> Okay. Thank you, brother, for sharing that information. Let's hear more. >> And um she's basically I'm I'm 22 to start off. I'm 22. She's 19. We started we started dating young about 4 years ago.

 And uh she really changed my life and I wasn't on the right path. And uh she helped me out a lot and she got me through addiction. She got me through all of my problems in my life and I I I left my house to be with her. I left my home with my family when I was 18 years old. I I wasn't living in a in an ideal spot.

 So, I I decided to leave and pursue a life with her. And we it it it's we've been up and down over the years, but it just came to a point where I guess she got bored or tired or I don't know cuz she she just lost interest in me. And we recently decided to split, not split, but just like take a break. and I left the apartment that we lived in for a little bit to go be with my family just for like a month or two just to take some time apart.

 And um I just received the text a week ago that she ended up getting pregnant by another guy. >> And um it's just uh just hurts. I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to tell. I don't know. >> Well, thanks for uh yeah, thanks for letting us know what's what's going on, brother. Yeah, if you leave your apartment for a month or something and somebody and your and your ex or your girl gets pregnant, that's a tough thing.

That's wild. You know, if I'm real honest with you, when you talked about the buildup to you guys relationship, you said that, you know, she helped you get through addiction, she helped you with this, and she kind of helped solve all your problems, and you guys moved in together. It felt like to me uh that you were putting way too many you was putting way too many candles on the altar of her for y'all's uh for your well-being.

You know, like she's the reason for all of these things as opposed to you're the reason for some of them or you guys' union I think can be the can be a catalyst for more positivity. But to put that much energy where it's like she was the reason everything got better and I left my family to be with her, it just um that feels like it's a lot.

 It feel like a lot of pressure, which is okay, bro. I mean, I definitely Yeah, I put way Yeah. I had like when I was in a relationship, it would be like this girl was almost like,you know, it' be like a girlfriend, but also like times [ __ ] was like she was like my mother. It was just like there was all this weird other energy that I was attaching that I didn't know it to the relationship I was in.

 So I was expecting like this girlfriend to be so many things. Um and more than a human could really be cuz you know you got to be on you know you got to stand on your own business of your of your own feelings in your heart. You got to have 10 toes on you. Uh, so yeah, I just felt like, man, that felt like you were putting a a lot on that. Um, and no judgment.

 I'm not judging. I'm just kind of looking at it, dude. Yeah, I was like the Oh, one time I stayed with a girl that I was, you know, I thought I was in love with them, but really I was just I didn't want to be alone type [ __ ] I also, Dude, I once stayed with a girl. This is the worst thing to even admit. God, I feel horrible.

 I stayed with a girl that I couldn't stand. I couldn't really stand her. I loved her also though at the same time. And if and that's how love works. You know what I'm saying? Love I'll give you a bouquet of flowers, but it'll have a uh it'll have a knife in the middle of it. You know, that's just how love is kind of. But dude, I stayed with this girl one time because I didn't want her to find a guy.

 I didn't want her to find a guy that would actually uh care about her. That's crazy, bro. That's crazy. And I feel I didn't know at the time that's what I was doing. And [snorts] but yeah, that's what I was like, man, I'm not breaking up with her because she might find somebody that actually cares about her. [ __ ] that's crazy. Does that sound too crazy to even say, Trevan? >> No.

 I mean, I think it's like the mentality if I can't have her, no one can. [clears throat] >> Yeah. Yeah. just like desperate young [ __ ] you know, that Romeo and uh Julian type [ __ ] you know? And that's the street version of Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Julian, bro. And that's gay, too, bro. Romeo and Julian sounds hella gay.

 Hollywood will probably come out with it in a week. Romeo and Julian. All right. [ __ ] it. I forgot to even give this guy a suggestion. But yeah, I think if she got I think it's just it's it's time to let it go. It's time to move on and and it's time to tell yourself like uh because it's it's it's tough to put the responsibility of our own feelings about our self onto our self.

It's easy if I can be like, "Oh, if she's mad at me or if this is good or this is always a problem with her, then then that keeps me from dealing with anything about me." You know, I would always have a problem when I was in early relationship. I'd always have a I would jealous ton of jealousy. Oh, I was so jealous.

So, yeah, I think it's tough, bro. It's tough to look at ourselves because if I have somebody else then it, you know, but if I just got me, oh, how scary does that feel? That's why when I see a candle, I'm always like, that [ __ ] is brave. When I see a fire, that's just like a big orgy or whatever.

 That's just a big orgy. But I see a candle. I'm like, damn, that [ __ ] is standing on business right there. So, yeah. Look, man. And if they're having a child or they're in love or something, don't get in there and be raising that child or whatever, buying that little uh little little little tie. Don't don't be buying that little whippers snapper, a little bicycle or whatever, or get him a little uh shifer robe or something.

 Don't be doing all of that [ __ ] Don't go down that path. I think you got to stand on your own [ __ ] and get out of get out into your own life, bro. That's what I feel like. And also, God bless, bro. Type [ __ ] I'mma do a hat toss for you, bro. Shout out 845 hat toss, bro. All right, we got a thing right here. The fella call up.

>> Hey, Theo. Uh, I just been listening to a couple of your podcasts a lot recently and I'm thinking about proposing to my girlfriend. Uh, three and a almost four years. Um, what's some advice that you would give on doing that and what's something I could add into doing it? >> Well, look, I think you got to add some you have to add some something to it.

You have to add some charm because here's the thing. An engagement is kind of the first real moment of a marriage, right? And if that means something, if you put something into that, you're going to put something in everything. Maybe. I don't know. I might be out of my mind. What? I I don't know. But I saw this one the other day, and this one kind of disappointed me a little bit.

And this is a fellow. You can't see this, but this is a fella in a uh in a small home. I believe I believe it's trailer home probably. Um and he's asking this lady to marry her. He gets up in the living room um near the television. It looks like Mass Singer or something is on, but that's not part of the engagement story.

It's just he's standing up and they got a series of uh a pitbulls running around. Beautiful little animals runningaround. And here we go. He stands up and he's got a a ring with him. Here we go. And he's beckoning her to get off of the couch to come over and and see him. And I believe the mother-in-law or a friend is recording. Let's go.

>> Come here. >> Are you going to fart? >> Come here. >> Oh, >> you want to dance? [clears throat] >> No. Oh, >> baby. >> Yeah. >> And that's it. She takes the ring, doesn't even hug the guy, walks over to the sofa. So, yeah, that it's just a w like he he he get kind of gets down on her knees like or he's standing in the living room and he's like, "Come over here. Come here.

" I mean, that's not a way to start. Come here. Come here. you know, like your [ __ ] Mortal Kombat like uh and then here's the craziest part. She goes, "Are you going to fart?" Like that's where you know, and that's almost beautiful, I guess, in a way because it's like that if you did do a nice fart or something during the holidays that you'd want your loved one to be there for it.

That's there's something very tribal about that and very um you know uh symptomatic or something maybe. I don't know. But but yeah, but in this instance, you can just tell it's not. So anyway, yeah, you don't want to beckoning your girl over to hit the need to propose and she thinks, "Oh, you're going to fart and you want me to get over there and be a witness to it.

" Now, also having someone to witness a great fart is it's nice, but I think it's also nice like one of my favorite things that Shane Gillis ever told me was that um when he was in high school, they would sit in the pews because they were at uh Catholic school and they would sit in the pews during mass and every now and then somebody would just rip a just rip a butt wrangler off of the wooden pews and and just s and in and during complete silence when all your friends were in there and [laughter] it would just be I still

think about I still laugh at that sometimes when I'm walking around. So yeah, there's different degrees of handling that. But you want to do something nice. You want to do something that means something. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So just being creative. Be creative. Get creative. Make something. And it can be it can be silly.

 It can be kind of ridiculous. It could be a scavenger hunt. It could be maybe you um feed the ring to an animal. Maybe you guys like to hunt, right? So you you you hide the ring in some feed for an animal. The animal eats it. Then you guys go out hunt um hunt the animal. You get the animal butchered or whatever. And then she you guys are cook you make the meal. Bam. is venison or something.

You crack it open and yeah, will you marry me? And then uh so I'm Yeah, there's different ways to do it, but that's it. I just think make it mean something, man. And whatever that means to her as well, like what would make her think it's nice? What would make her what would mean something, you know? Just don't let it be a fart, bro.

All right, let's get into another call or two. >> What's up, Dio? It's uh Jack from good old Midland, Texas. >> We did a shot there in Midland, man. Thank you for the call, Jack. Onward. >> And um I don't know. I was just going to talk about I feel like sometimes I I get I get a rush to grow up. I'm 18 years old.

 Uh I graduated high school as a junior. Um I'm already working. Like I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like I get in a rush, man. Like like I need to slow down, but I also need to get my life together. I don't know. I was just going to see Vice Gang. Thanks, brother. Thanks. Sorry to cut you off. Uh, thank you for the call. Yeah.

Oh, dude. I've [sighs] I rush through everything. I Yeah. I don't want to be in anything. I don't want to Oh, I got to be here. I got to I got to do Yeah. I got commitment to the I got commitment sometimes just to life to moments. I [sighs and gasps] you know it's hard to slow it down enough. But I think also some of that rush is you want to be able to control things.

Well, if I can get freedom to have some money, if I can get freedom to have me own place, if I can get freedom to have me own car, me own wheels, me own uh station wagon or whatever, me own wheelbarrow, me own pressure washer, you know, me own bass boat, me own girlfriend, me, you know, then you're controlling.

 You're not in anybody else's orbit really. You're in control of things. So, some of that's kind of nice, you know, when they say discipline equals freedom as well. I mean, Jo Willink preaches that and that you get things going, you get things organized and get things cracking. I mean, even if like I talk about with that investing app and stuff that I like, it's like uh you know that planning ahead and that strategizing, it helps.

 You know, if I have invest a little bit of change early, I'd have money now. So, I think there's there's some there's a lot of value to that. But D. Yeah. But yeah. Oh, dude. I always want to get through this to get to that. Oh, it'll be better then. Well, let's just get to that.I'm always out here looking in the distance. And I'll be tripping over beautiful [ __ ] while I'm just looking at for that who knows what that's a million miles away.

Um, and I don't know if it's bad or good. I think you like you're saying like you said right in here. You said, let's play it. >> Um, I'm already working. Like I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like I get in a rush, man. Like like I need to slow down, but I also need to get my life together. >> Yeah.

 Slow down, rush, get, you know, get my life together. >> I was just going to see if I >> Yeah. So that's it, man. You're you're doing fine. Meditation will help you slow down for sure. It'll give you a little bit of peace even in moments of uh overwhelmingness. So that's that might be all you need. You're [clears throat] really sticking to some meditation, man.

That way you can be going fast, but you're slow on the inside, baby. You're in control. You got a cockpit. You're not just running around with your [ __ ] type [ __ ] boys. Praise God. That's what's up. HEY, SANTA. HEY, let's say you write a letter to Santa telling him how good you've been this year, and then you hand it to your mail carrier, but your mail carrier is the Grinch.

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 For more information, go to forthepeople.com/theo. That's fthepeople.com/tho. This is a paid advertisement. Let's see if one other call came in. >> Yeah. So I went I thought it'd be a fun thing to take my wife to a rage room and we went out for dinner first and everything was good. We wasn't arguing or anything and we went in this rage room.

 Hell, she started beating the beating the piss out of me and really pissed me off. I don't know why she done it, but kind of turned me on. I wanted to swing back, but she had a bat in her hand, and that didn't look didn't look too fun. But it would have been kind of hard to fight her when I was bricked up, you know, but we went home and had a quiet ride home.

 As soon as we got home, I was so bricked up, I just ended up just plowing that thing, you know, like uh like, you know what I mean? >> Oh, yeah. 40 acres in a mule, baby. >> I was wondering your advice on that. I don't even know what brought it on. But >> well, look, there's something if you watch a woman beat the [ __ ] out of a damn Honda Civic or whatever and break all the windows and headlights out of that [ __ ] with a baseball bat and you don't get a wreck.

then you some kind of little hoe. I mean, [ __ ] like that turned me on, dude. Especially where I grew up, dude. Every now and then you'd see a woman come out there angry at her husband or some guy that was having sex with her and not uh and not claiming her. And uh you'd see a woman come out there and beat the [ __ ] and just beat the dang uh headlights out of his um Caprice Classic.

God, hell yeah. That's No, man. There's nothing wrong with getting erect if you see a woman beating the [ __ ] out of something with a bat. I mean, that's why I love the whole movie of uh League of Their Own. That's what the whole movie is. So, there's nothing wrong with that. God. Yeah. Now, you're all so lucky.

 I can't keep an erection around broken glass. Cannot do it, dude. If my wiener hears a window of shatter within probably 80 yards, that thing just punks a tiny fills right into my nuts, baby. That thing won't be out. [snorts] That thing just saw its shadow, dog. Eight more weeks of winter down. Yeah. But God. Yeah.

 I used to love that type of [ __ ] [clears throat] in our neighborhood. This lady used to make me go sit in her car with her and she'd be all drunk drinking dairies. Miss Carol, that was her name. And she'd be drinking daquiries over there and she would just tell me she wish I was old enough to drive. I wish you were old enough to drive.

 I'd let you drive me somewhere. God, I was so [ __ ] erect. I couldn't even God I couldn't. My [ __ ] scoliosis was cured. I was just like, "Oh god." And then [snorts] she'd get out. Sometimes she had cut off pants on and she'd get out and rub her little butt like rub the bottom of her butt on the damn warm headlights of that car, that vehicle.

That's back when headlights used to get warm. Them [ __ ] used to get warm and she'd just be bending over kind of drinking that daiquiri and rubbing her little tail on that warm light. Wish you could drive me.God damn, brother. Hell yeah. God, I couldn't even I didn't have enough blood flow in my eyes at that moment.

[clears throat] I just had so much erection going on. I didn't even have any blood in my eyes to keep me active. I could barely see. It's like my damn like my damn brother. He had to come over and rub some of his water in my eyes. Just so that's just Yeah, it must be a family optical disease that we got in certain moments.

But but God is good, brother. At least you have a wife. At least y'all are going out and doing something. Yeah. Taking your wife to a rage room. That's cute. All that matters is what what am I putting into the relationship? Whether I'm getting married, whether I'm uh doing an engagement, you know, what am I putting into this thing? Am I trying to make some moments special? Because if I don't make some moments special, that ain't going to be no special moments.

 That's that's the most I realize this about life. You know, sometimes it'll be like, man, nothing's nothing's exciting. Nothing. Well, things just aren't exciting. They're not just going to be magic. You got to, you know, you got to be your own David Blaine sometimes or Chris Angle or Kurt Angle even. [ __ ] I don't care if you wear a damn leotard while you do it or uniard and bodys slam somebody, but you got to bring the magic.

[sighs] Except at Christmas, that's when there's just something kind of built in, you know? There's just something kind of special about it. Just that sound, those kids coming down the stairs. You see that Christmas tree, boy. And I'd come later at night, too. We all would. I think I I bet if I asked my siblings, we all kind of did.

 People would wake up at a certain You just woke up all night during [music] Christmas time. You sneak down and at some point the presents would be out. You're like, "Oh, they're hiking." And half the cookies would be eaten. I'd I'd eat one I' I'd eat two bites out of that [ __ ] Hell, sometimes I'd come down early and the cookies and milk hadn't been eaten yet.

 I'd eat [ __ ] I' I'd [music] drink half that [ __ ] and eat one of them [ __ ] My mom was like, "Who was here?" But yeah, you come down, [music] you see that tree all lit up. And that was one of the nicest times to kind of go back to bed. Then you were just excited. It wasn't really about the gifts. It was something about the magic of it. There [music] was free magic.

Yeah. It just meant something. And that was beautiful. Those [music] were beautiful times. That Christmas spirit. That Christmas spirit, man. There's something to it. There's something to it. I want to wish everybody a merry Christmas. And uh and I'm trying to think of anything else that needs to be said. You know, it's a special time of year.

It's a special time to forgive ourselves and forgive others. [sighs] Just to let go, let go of the ways we've done it. Yeah. Ask God to help us have a new year. You know, the Lord sent his son, baby. That crazy baby. Yesus, baby. Yahweh, baby. to take away the sins of the world. So let him do it. Let him do it, baby.

 Lord, drive a dump truck into my heart and take away all this all this confusion, pain, uncertainty, control, anger, hatred, vitrol, and self-infliction. Take away. Just take it. Take it and recycle me, baby boy. recycle me. Um, yeah, I love you guys. Thank you guys so much for letting me be a part of your year. Uh, there is some fun stuff that we're going to be doing in the new year.

 I'm excited. I want to add some new things to the solo episodes that are uh that are going to be more like regular occurring type of things. So, I have some like just like light plans and strategy. You want to we want to talk to more miracles. You know, we've had a couple miracles. We had that one fell that was doing dope that fell off that building and he fell 13 stories or whatever.

And uh he passed by some of his neighbors, remember? And saw them smoking dope on their balcony when he went when he fell. Pretty crazy. And then our um our other fella got hit by two trains, baby. Two trains. And God. And he survived. He had headphones on and got hit just god dang brother sometime woo you wish the Lord would just g give you a cross walk give me a cross walk yeah that was Dalton Dalton baby two trains we got to check in with Dalton but we need we want to add more miracles to next year if you have experienced a

miracle miracle or someone you know in your life that has experienced a miracle that have felt the powers of the great beyond keep them safe in a moment that could not have happened otherwise. Hit the hotline 9856649503 or you can contact um the producers through the email on the uh theon.com site. Um yeah, that's all we got.

 It's been We're happy to be alive and who knows what it looks like. This may be the last year we're allowed to celebrate Christmas. I'm not sure what they have uh planned for us, but we're going to keep fighting. We're going to keep fighting. Um and we're exciteduh to try to do that and to learn as we go.

 Trevan, what are you thinking? >> I dig it, man. Merry Christmas. >> Merry Christmas to you, too, man. Merry Christmas to you, too. [sighs and gasps] Uh, our producer put in this notes right here, our other producer, Zack, and Merry Christmas to him. Nick Andrew Baxter, Raleigh Mau, who knocked a woman up. Gosh, that's crazy, dude.

 But that's how it is, bro. Like, you know, I think he had sex five times in that fifth time he made a child. boy. Bro, you got to you got to use that syrup sparingly, homie. Dang. But it is what it is. I remember when I learned about condensed milk, dude. The second I had one taste of that stuff, I like, dang, this shit's good.

 And then you want to use it, you want it on everything. But you can't put it on everything, Rally. [snorts] All right, here we go. One more call from the hotline before we end the year. And next week, we'll have a best of episode. And then we may have a week off. I'm not sure. We may not. We'll see what's going on.

 But uh I love you guys and uh you guys be good to yourselves. Thank you. And thank you for all just all the support. There's so many nice things that I never get to say that happen, nice messages people send or nice things people brought out to shows. Um I mean just alt like there's so many so much uh kindness has been extended towards me by you guys and um thank you.

I love you and I appreciate it. [snorts] Here we go. >> Hey Theo, my name is Jake and >> what's up Jake? Thank you for calling onward. I'm feeling a little emotional right now, but in a really good way. Um, I'm in the military. Uh, I've been in the army for over six years now. >> Thank you for your service, Champard.

>> And, um, I'm currently driving home to go spend Christmas with my family for the first time in four years. And I just wanted to, you know, thank God that I'm able to do that. And I want to, you know, reach out to all my fellow soldiers who listen to your great podcast and just say, you know, if you're able to go visit your family, I'm very happy for you.

 And if you're not able to, if you have to spend it somewhere where you don't really want to be, you know, I I know how it feels. I I know a lot of other soldiers know how it feels. And, you know, it sucks, but we're here for you and stay strong. I know it sucks missing holidays, birthdays, you know, kids birthdays >> and all of that.

 So, you know, thank you, Theo, for what you do. You've gotten me through a lot of these years that I've spent away from my family. And um, you know, prayers to you and your team and prayers to all my fellow soldiers out there spending Christmas with their family or without them. Love you, brother. >> Amen. Amen, man. Yeah, that's the feeling.

That's the feeling. That's the candle. [snorts] That's the pilot light I needed right there when I'm pulling up to my families or I'm going to walk into my home be just to be grateful that I get to be there for the positive or the neg whatever it is for the apple pie or the uncooked dang chowder or whatever somebody made one time forgot to boil the dang things and everybody got dang dysentery whatever clams or whatever whatever.

Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing when I when I for the good, the bad, whatever it is that there's people that don't get it. There's kids who are going to have to spend the have to do their holidays over Zoom with a with a loved one. There's a parent that has to do that as well. A soldier who's having to make that who's made that choice in their life and it's a choice they made, but still it's one I'm not brave enough to make or haven't been.

So yeah, so to take some time to acknowledge that, pray for those families and that peace and yeah, just to know that you soldiers aren't alone that have to that have to do put that put that energy into the world. These people, they're not alone. And we pray for them and their their kids grow up healthy and uh nurtured and taken care of that.

 We pray for the confidence of their spouses who are at home on the front lines with their children holding things down, having to kind of be one parent. Um, not one parent, but be do most of the hands-on parenting. Uh, and we pray for those people and those soldiers that when they get to spend time with their comrades during the holidays away from their family that they feel some sense of joy and peace and love.

Yes. And so light a candle for those people this time of year. Yeah. Maybe I need to Every time I'm lighting a candle, I'm thinking it's for my own light. Why don't I light one for somebody else? for a prayer and peace for somebody else's joy or possibility for a moment that's not mine. Yeah, those are great things to pray for.

Dude, I watch those Soldier Coming Home videos all the time and God, [sighs] I will just I will just start balling right into a dang bag of ruffles. And then they do the dog sometimes and sometimes low key the dog does not know the person. I'm like this [ __ ]something's going on here. But yeah, sometimes at the airport you'll see somebody waiting for somebody like with flowers and a sign or something.

Oh, or when the soldiers, one time I was in Chicago and I think it was I don't remember the airline. Um, but a bunch of soldiers had just gotten back. They'd all just gotten back and they were like walking all back. I mean, like hundred and they were all It was just like this huge thing. It was like a special moment.

 Um, but thank you, brother. Thank you for helping us think about that. That's the That's the feeling. That's the candle. And you guys be good to yourselves. Uh, let's go. Let's let's go out with some music here. And and and the music we've played already is from One Man Quartet that played Christmas Miracle. Um, and Ready for Christmas was by Zoro.

And then this song we're going to play right here on our way out. We wish you a merry Christmas by Timothy Infinite. Merry Christmas to everybody. Love you guys. Glad we got to spend some time together today. [bell] [music] Hey, Santa. dog. I heard blitzing is a [ __ ] homie. Wherever you are, good tidings for Christmas and a happy new year.

Wish you a merry prancer's a homie. >> [music] [bell] >> Merry Christmas everybody. God bless you. Um and head into a happy new year while I will meet you there. And uh praise God, man. Be good to yourselves. You deserve it.